It didn’t feel that I’d given Benevolen enough time to camouflage himself inside the altar chamber so I’ve tried to pad out the scenes with the acolytes and Lady Umia.
Also there was no reason for Kopath to be extra scary since I’m not going to get him to fight Benevolen. So Kopath’s not a giant any more, just a menacing high priest.
So here’s version 4 (hopefully the final version and I’ll then use this to write the revised comic book script):
It is dusk, Captain Sylen Benevolen stands on a cliff edge with Iyeon his winged panther. He is gazing across a mist filled abyss at the Dark Temple Of Mymosule.
Inside, Lady Umia the maiden is being carried through a corridor in a cage by the black robed acolytes of Mymosule. Lighting is provided by wooden torches. The acolytes are armed with knives and a few even have rifles. A green moth watches.
Back outside a large swarm of Benevolen’s green moths is returning to him after he sent them in to recon.
The moths land on Benevolen, covering him everywhere except for his head.
The moths take wing again swarming gently around him.
Two hedgehogs are crawling up a nearby ridge. A mother and baby. The baby falls onto it’s back and cannot get back up.
Benevolen puts on his helmet.
He bends down to help the baby hedgehog.
Benevolen climbs onto his winged panther and flies across towards the dark temple, his moths flanking him like huge batwings.
Inside, the acolytes have carried Lady Umia into an altar chamber with a stone table at the centre. There are around 100 acolytes surrounding the altar. This chamber has no windows and is lit by wooden torches.
Elsewhere in a nearby corridor, two acolytes with rifles are patrolling. They enter long chamber. Above and behind them on a ledge, Benevolen and Iyeon seem to materialise out of the stone walls as the camouflaging moths that have been covering them take off and swarm towards the wooden torches.
Benevolen and Iyeon drop onto the two guards, dispatching them with minimal noise.
Back in the alter chamber Lady Umia’s cage has been set down next to the stone table.
A green moth flies into Lady Umia’s cage.
She notices it and hold’s out her hand.
The moth lands on it.
Kopath the high priest of Mymosule moves to stand in front of Lady Umia and holds out a wickedly curved dagger saying,
“You should feel honoured young woman. There is no greater privilege than to be offered to Lord Mymosule.”
Two large acolytes unlock Umia’s cage and grab her.
Just then a swarm of moths spews in through the entrance of the chamber which is now dark. The swarm splits up and smother the torches in the chamber. It goes black.
There is a terrifying roar followed by the sound of fighting.
In the dark Captain Benevolen has flown into the chamber on his winged panther and taken down the two acolytes holding Umia. (Benevolen can see in the dark via an empathic link to his pets – he can see through their eyes).
Benevolen lifts Umia off her feet whispering,
“It’s me Sylen, you’ll be safe soon.”
Benevolen climbs onto Iyeon in the dark and the winged panther flies over to the chamber entrance and bounds down the dark corridor.
Moments later they hurtle out of a giant arched window and over the edge of a cliff.
An acolyte appears at a nearby window and takes aim with a rifle.
Suddenly a swarm of green moths envelops him and his shot misses.
Iyeon carries them high into the distant sky to safety.
Flying through the dusk sky over forest covered ruins, Benevolen removes his helmet and reassures Lady Umia.
Lady Umia thanks Captain Benevolen for rescuing her.
Benevolen is on the edge of confessing his love for her but says something that only half reveals his feelings.
Lady Umia guesses what Benevolen’s true feelings are but says that she is sorry but she loves Captain Atonis.
Benevolen apologises for speaking out of turn.
They arrive back at Suborea where Umia’s fiancee Captain Atonis rushes over and carries her away.
He thanks Benevolen over his shoulder.
A few days later Benevolen is watching at Lady Umia and Captain Atonis’ wedding.
Hurting inside, Benevolen packs his bags and leaves Suborea.
It is again dusk as he flies out over the apocalyptic ruins in the forest.