Tag Archives: Comicbook Script

Captain Mothstorm Script Page 1

OK so this script has been through TPG twice and I have just gotten round to re-working page 1 after the last round of critiques.

My main concern is the dialogue now. The setting is on another world so I originally tried medieval type speech but I think I over did it so I have toned that down.

I have also tried to ease up on the info dumping .

After some good ideas from Ryan Kroboth on the panel layouts, I’ve altered that as well.

 

Captain Mothstorm Page 1

 

Page 1 (7 panels in 3 rows)
 
Panel 1 (full width of top row):

Establishing shot. It is dusk. The planetary rings are visible in the purple cloud-streaked sky. We are looking out at a misty mountain scene with the Dark Temple of Mymosule visible in the distance on the right of the panel. In the foreground on the left of the panel we see a full length side view of Captain Sylen Benevolen gazing at the temple with his helmet in his right arm. He is actually stood inside a wide rectangular hangar type space. He is in a derelict skyscraper that is leaning to the right of the panel so the walls, floor and ceiling are angled accordingly. At the edges of the panel we can see vines growing on the walls and ceiling. The walls and ceiling are covered with green moths. At the top left of the panel, there is a green moth in extreme close up on a vine.

Benevolen: We used to race sky-panthers together as children.

Benevolen: Have you found her?

Green moth (telepathically): Not yet, but we have counted 107 individual acolytes so far inside the temple, Sylen. They have guns and blades.
 
Panel 2 (middle row left):

Half body shot of Benevolen from the waist up. He has just put on his helmet (his hands are still on his head). Some of the moths have taken wing.

Green moth (telepathically): Lady Umia is in a metal cage. They are carrying her to the sacrificial chamber! We need to help her quickly!

Benevolen: Their rituals are horrific. I thought the Acolytes Of Mymosule had ceased to exist long ago, during the Breaking Of The World.
 
Panel 3 (middle row centre):

Rear, full length shot of Benevolen who is throwing himself out of the hangar. The moths are streaming after him.

Benevolen: Once Umia is safe, I will return with a battalion of the Suborean Guard and eradicate them.
 
Panel 4 (middle row right):

Reverse the camera and move it back so we are now facing the derelict skyscraper. Front full shot of Benevolen who is hurtling down the side of the derelict skyscraper towards the swirling mist below. The moths are swarming down after him. We can see the mist at the bottom of the panel.

NO COPY
 
Panel 5 (bottom row left):

Benevolen has plummeted into the mist sending it billowing up. The moths are swarming into the mist after him.

NO COPY
 
Panel 6 (bottom row centre):

Shot of the dark temple in the background with the moths swarming down into the mist in the foreground. No sign of Benevolen.

NO COPY
 
Panel 7 (bottom row right):

Shot of the dark temple in the background with the moths swarming up out of the mist in a batwing formation in the foreground. Benevolen is suspended beneath them. The mist is swirling in their wake.

NO COPY

My ADC-1 Comic Book Script V4 – Dissected At ComixTribe

I resubmitted the 4th iteration of my comic book script to the guys at ComixTribe and as expected, it came back with some areas for improvement.

I highly recommend this free service as personally I am learning loads from following the weekly critiques.

Time for me to digest and improve.

You can read the article on ComixTribe here.

And follow the discussion on the Digital Webbing Forum here.

Project ADC-1 Comic Book Script V4

This is version 4 of my Project ADC-1 comic book script.  I’ve added a bit more dialogue at the beginning in an attempt to reveal more of the storyline early on.

I’ve also tinkered about with the moths.  They are no longer flame proof, but they can release a thick smoke-like dust.

Continue reading Project ADC-1 Comic Book Script V4

Project ADC-1 Comic Book Script V3

This is version 3 of the comic book script for my digital comic project.  I’ve taken out the bit about rescuing the hedgehogs and also added some telepathic dialogue between Benevolen and his moths.

Continue reading Project ADC-1 Comic Book Script V3

Project ADC-1 Comic Book Script V2

I’m satisfied enough with the high level plot now so I have translated it into a comic book script.

Hopefully this time around I’ve avoided putting in any “moving panels” (comic book panels should be static snapshots in time).


Page 1

Panel 1:
It is dusk.  The planetary rings are visible in the purple cloud-streaked sky.  Captain Sylen Benevolen is standing on a cliff edge with Iyeon, his winged black panther.  Helmet in hand, he is gazing across a mist filled abyss at the Dark Temple of Mymosule.

Panel 2:
Inside, Lady Umia is being carried down a corridor in a cage by the black garbed acolytes of Mymosule.  Lighting is provided by wooden torches.  The acolytes are armed with daggers and rifles.  On a wall, a green moth is watching.
Acolytes (chanting): Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule Mym-mo-sule

Panel 3:
Back outside on the cliff.  Some of Benevolen’s green moths are returning from the Dark Temple after he sent them in to do recon.  He has his arm extended towards them.


Page 2

Panel 1:
The moths have landed on Benevolen covering him everywhere except for his face.  There are two hedgehogs (mother and baby) half way up a nearby ridge.  The baby hedgehog has fallen onto it’s back and is struggling.

Panel 2:
The moths have taken off again and are swarming gently around Benevolen who is putting on his helmet.

Panel 3:
Benevolen has donned his helmet and is bending down to help the baby hedgehog.


Page 3

Panel 1:
Benevolen is flying on Iyeon out towards the tower with the swarm of moths flanking them like huge bat wings.  The mist is swirling in their wake.

Panel 2:
Inside the Dark Temple, the acolytes carrying Lady Umia have entered a circular, black altar chamber with a stone table at it’s centre.  The table has metal manacles bolted to it.  At one end of the table is a stand holding a curved black dagger.  There are around 100 acolytes surrounding the raised altar.  There are no windows and the only light comes from wooden torches on the walls and on 2 torch stands at the altar.

Panel 3:
Elsewhere in the Dark Temple, two acolytes armed with rifles are patrolling a torch-lit corridor.


Page 4

Panel 1:
The patrol enters a high-ceilinged, corridor.  There is a ledge above and behind them.

Panel 2:
The stone wall above and behind the patrol seems to be peeling away to reveal Benevolen and Iyeon as the chameleon-like moths that have been covering them disperse towards the flaming torches in the corridor.  Benevolen’s head and shoulders are visible and Iyeon’s piercing green eyes are visible amidst the dark muscular mass that is his frame.

Panel 3:
The moths have smothered a couple of the torches, it is a little darker.  Benevolen and Iyeon have launched themselves off the ledge and are about to come crashing down on the two unsuspecting acolytes.


Page 5

Panel 1:
Back in the altar chamber, Lady Umia’s cage has been set down next to the stone table.  There are two large acolytes on either side of the cage.  Kopath the High Priest of Mymosule is holding the dagger up above his head.  A green moth is flying into the cage.

Kopath: Behold the dagger of Mymosule!

Panel 2:
Lady Umia is holding out the back of her hand and the green moth has landed upon it.  A slight smile plays on her lips.

Panel 3:
The cage is open and the two large acolytes have grabbed Lady Umia by the wrists and are pulling her towards the stone table.

Kopath: You should feel honoured young woman.  There is no greater reward than to be offered to Lord Mymosule!
Lady Umia: No!


Page 6

Panel 1:
At the entrance to the altar chamber swarms of moths are spewing forth from the darkened chamber beyond.  The moths are heading towards the flaming torches in the altar chamber.

Panel 2:
A swarm of moths have smothered a torch, it now emits nothing more than a faint orange glow.  There is still light from the other torches in the chamber.

Panel 3:
At the stone table, two swarms of moths have covered the torches on either side.  The acolytes are looking bewildered.  Lady Umia is smiling.

Kopath: What is this?


Page 7

Panel 1:
The whole altar chamber is now dark except for the faint orange glowing embers on some of the torches.

Panel 2:
It is pretty close to pitch black in the chamber now.
Iyeon: ROOAAAAARRR!
SFX: CRASH!
Random acolyte: Aaieeeeee!

Panel 3:
One of the acolytes starts shooting.  The flash from his gun illuminates a small area and we can see that he has hit one of his own kind.  In the near distance Iyeon carrying Benevolen appears as a large shadow above the acolytes, swooping towards the centre of the chamber.

SFX: BLAM
Wounded acolyte: Aaaargh!


Page 8

Panel 1:
At the altar more muzzle flashes faintly reveal Benevolen and Iyeon dropping onto the two acolytes holding Umia.

SFX: BLAM
Acolyte 1: Aaaargh!
Acolyte 2: Huuuuugh!

Panel 2:
A muzzle flash from another direction then reveals Benevolen sweeping Lady Umia off her feet.

SFX: BLAM BLAM
Benevolen: It’s Sylen here, you will be safe soon Umia.

Panel 3:
Benevolen is astride Iyeon with Umia in his arms.  Iyeon is bounding down a corridor scattering the handful of acolytes in his way.  Behind them, the green moths are swarming around a couple of acolytes who are trying to take aim at Iyeon with their rifles.

Iyeon: ROOOAAARRRR!
Scattering acolytes: Aaaaaaah!


Page 9

Panel 1:
Iyeon with Benevolen and Umia on board has hurtled out of an arched window over the misty abyss.

Panel 2:
As Iyeon soars away from the Dark Temple, behind them an acolyte has appeared at the window and is taking aim with a rifle.

Panel 3:
The acolyte is suddenly enveloped by a swarm of moths.

Acolyte: Ummfff!


Page 10

Panel 1:
Flying through the purple dusk sky over forest covered ruins, Benevolen has removed his helmet.

Benevolen: It’s OK now Lady Umia, you are safe.
Umia: They were going to … I’m so glad you found me Sylen.

Panel 2:
We see a close up of Benevolen’s face.  He is looking straight ahead.

Benevolen: Your well being has always been my priority my Lady.  More than you know.

Panel 3:
Umia is looking up at Benevolen who is looking back.


Page 11

Panel 1:
Umia is looking away, Benevolen is still looking at Umia.

Umia: I am very fond of you Sylen but … you know I love Atonis.

Panel 2:
Umia is looking up at Benevolen, who is now looking straight ahead.

Benevolen: I understand my lady.  Captain Atonis is a good man.  I am sorry if I have spoken inappropriately.

Panel 3:
Umia is looking away, Benevolen is looking straight ahead.

Umia: You don’t have to apologise Captain Benevolen.


Page 12

Panel 1:
Arriving at the tree top city of Suborea, Iyeon is swooping down towards a giant bough.  Captain Atonis is running towards them.

Atonis: Umia!

Panel 2:
Benevolen stands beside Iyeon and watches Atonis carry Umia away in his arms.

Panel 3:
Atonis turns his head slightly and calls over his shoulder to Benevolen.

Atonis: Thank you Captain Benevolen.
Benevolen: Don’t mention it.


Page 13

Panel 1:
It is around noon in an open air chapel high in the Suborean tree tops.  Umia and Atonis stand facing each other with a priest stood over them.  Friends and family are stood watching the wedding ceremony.  At the back Benevolen is watching.

Priest: Do you, Lady Umia Yulon, take Captain Atonis Trogade to be your husband?
Umia: I do.

Panel 2:
Later, in his quarters, Benevolen is packing his leather saddle bags.

Panel 3:
It is again dusk, the planetary rings are visible in the purple sky as Benevolen flies on Iyeon over the forest covered ruins flanked by his green moths.

Project ADC-1 Comicbook Script

The Comicbook Script for Project ADC-1 is also now up in the Project Deliverables section.  This is my first attempt at a comicbook script.  I did do a bit of research on how to do this properly but I have also posted this on Digital Webbing Forums to see if I get any critique that will steer me along the right track.